Paradise
by Summersetlights
Summary: As Eli gets ready for his "date" with Clare, CeCe talks to him about his worries.


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Or Coldplay. Or any other tv show or band. Unfortunately._**

**_Oh, this is during the Boiling Point!_**

* * *

><p>He squinted at himself in the mirror, the black clothes standing out against his skin like a sore thumb. But the boy liked the color, and it hid him from people, because who would want to befriend a seventeen-year-old who colored his nails with a thick black pointed sharpies? But, if you looked a bit closely, you'd see the blood-red tie hanging underneath his shirt. Ever since that certain sophomore had told him that red looked "dashing" with his jade eyes, he liked to add a bit of red to his usually dark attire.<p>

He took out the eye-liner from his dresser and applied it underneath his eyes. He actually liked that make-up, it made him look brooding, rather than the vulnerable fourteen-year-old kid that he felt like inside. He smudged the make-up lightly, and he took a step back, a pit of butterflies flying around with anxiety in his empty stomach. He hadn't eaten all day, and he sure as hell didn't trust himself to eat before his "date" with Clare Edwards.

It wasn't technically a date, but to Eli, it definitely seemed like one. Because when he'd asked her to take a trip in Morty with him, just them and the open road, she blushed and merely said that he was paying for everything. And then she'd walked off, leaving him to admire and to try to keep his thoughts PG. Clare was something to him, but he didn't exactly know what. He was memorized by her. At first, he hated her. He hated how pure she was and how her smile was heaven-sent. Eli had to admit - even though he didn't want to - that he followed her like a little puppy. He found himself thinking about her every goddamn moment of the day. He wanted his feelings to pass, but the longer they were friends, the more he felt.

"Look at you!" CeCe called from the doorway, and Eli's neck flushed with embarrassment. She had a pile of his clothes folded neatly in her arms, and she walked by his bed and dropped the clothes off there, destroying the neat folds, and Eli resisted the urge to tell her that, "Why are you so dressed up?"

"I'm just hanging out with someone." Eli said vaguely, and CeCe turned him around, patting him everywhere and fixing up his outfit.

"You must really like this person," She muttered, squinting at the red tie, "You hate red." She accused with a smile.

"Do not." Eli muttered, casting his eyes down. And immediately, he heard a hum of understanding coming from his mom. He knew that she was beginning to understand that the person he was hanging out with was actually a girl that he may or not be in love with. A rush of shame traveled throughout his body. This scene seemed way too similar. He could almost see himself in his old bedroom, Dead Hand on the radio, and getting ready to see his raven-haired girlfriend. It was all too familiar, and he stepped back and bit his lip, feeling CeCe's eyes on him. Her eyes were the truth in life, and he hated the truth, and honestly, because of this, sometimes he hated his mom.

"What's her name?" She asked tenderly, and with an absent-mind, she picked up his right wrist and her thumb tracing the almost invisible scar on the inner side of his arms, the scar that he got after _her_ death. It had been caused with just a twist of a knife and a seal of hate on a soul.

"Clare." Her name burned on his tongue in a sweet but salty taste.

"Clare," CeCe repeated, her voice distant, "What a pretty, pretty name."

Eli nodded in agreement, and took his wrist back. "Um, I should probably go and pick her up...So, I should go...now..."

"You're going on a date!" She suddenly cried and pulled him to his bed and smiled widely at him, and he stayed but only because he hadn't seen her this happy in ages. And that realization made him feel sick.

"No. It's a friend thing. We're not dating, just hanging out." He picked at the fading sharpie on his nails and the black slowly faded away, just like the good mood that he was in.

CeCe scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Baby boy, please, I know you. I haven't seen you this nervous since your father and I walked in on you-"

Eli held up his hands in panic, not wanting to relive the story again. "It honestly is not a date. It's nothing but friends hanging out and having fun. Is that so hard to believe? That a guy and a girl can be just friends?"

"For you; it is." Those four words rang throughout the room, and Eli was afraid of what the meaning was behind those words.

Eli swallowed with difficulty. "What do you mean?"

"The last time you were with someone, it was with...her-"

"Her name was Julia," Eli muttered forcefully, although, his voice cracked at the end, showing the lost and broken seams that his body had cut away after her death, "Julia. You can say her name; I'm not a rag doll that can't handle it." But honestly, with each passing second, he felt like a ragdoll. He felt like he could be blown over with just the smallest gust of wind.

She gave him a pained expression and nodded, not wanting to upset him ever farther. "The first and only person that you were with was Julia, and don't you dare think for one minute that your father and I didn't see how you acted around her. You were love struck, just like now. You fall so easily in love once you let your walls fade. And...right now, I see my son, I don't see any walls."

Eli closed his eyes, and all he could hear was Julia's last noise- A blood curdling scream. It repeated itself several times in Eli's head and he couldn't let go of it. The last words that had come out of her rang like a school bell, buzzing and screaming in his tired and aching ears. He could her final sob and the way the door slammed shut on her way out of his hearse. "I just, can't do it again. I can't fall for someone else again, I'll just lose Clare. And I can't lose her...I just...I couldn't."

"So what are you going to do? Forever be her friend, and never tell her how you feel because you're scared? People die and fall apart, they break and tragedies do happen, but that's not all the world is made off. Not everything is going to end like Julia."

"But what if it does, what if she does?" Eli retorted, panic setting in. He could see Clare in the middle of the street, her blood draining from her once warm body. Her body cracked and broken. Her smile lost with her pure soul that he treasured so much. Her spirit dead with a car of some sorts. The image flattened and morphed in his mind, and each time it did, the end result came out worse and worse. With each slide, he wanted to throw himself under his bed and hide from the horrors that were stalking him.

"Then it does," CeCe brushed his bangs out of his eyes and a gentle smile reached her lips, "If something like that does happen, then it does. It's life, and you can't live in that fear anymore. It'll crush you."

Her words flew around his mind, yipping and yapping, trying to process what she was saying. The words seemed so easy to understand. It seemed simple to say what she was saying, but it was anything but simple if you had to complete the actions.

"I just want to kiss her." And when he says this, his heart beats like a drum in a marching band. It's endless and deep down, he can only guess that it's because he knows how much of what he's saying is the truth. Just thinking about her warm lips on his makes the ice off his body melt and keep him sane. Ever since he had spoken to her, he had known that he wanted to kiss her. Her lips were just so tempting and the way her hair cast deep and desperate shadows on her face made his heart stutter with a force that he couldn't understand.

"I know, Eli, I know." CeCe pulled him in, with his cheek resting on her shoulder. For once, he felt like a mother was holding him and not an older best friend. Her hands smoothed down his back with a grace that only a mother could truly possess.

He wanted to tell her the whole truth. How he was sure that she liked him too, with her longing stares that quickly turned to a blush when she saw that he had caught her. He wanted to tell his mom that on those mornings when he's so tired, the night before, he had snuck out and had driven over to her house. And he had snuck her out, with a giggle or two. He wanted to tell his mother that he was scared, because he could feel Clare Edwards in his veins and mouth and in his skin and in the scar from the knife. She was becoming a pattern on his skin, a pattern that only he could feel and see. He wanted to get out of it all, but it felt too good.

"When can I meet her?" Her voice is light and airy, and Eli wants to thank her. He can't focus on anything else that's sad.

"When I get her as mine." Eli says, a small smile playing on his lips, and CeCe pats him on the back, her eyes narrowing.

"...If I have to wait more than a month, I will personally ask her to come over, Elijah Goldsworthy, so keep that in mind."

"Oh no. The last name. How threatening."

CeCe smacked him lightly on the shoulder and smirked, and it was clear as to where and which parent he had gotten that devious smirk from. She stood up and planted a single and small kiss on his cheek before walking out of the room, leaving Eli to his thoughts. He carefully pulled out the red tie around his neck and let it hang out in front of his shirt, hoping that Clare would understand when she would see him.

He thought about what CeCe had said, the part about how in life, how not all things end in tragedies. He pondered the possibilities of that, and maybe because Clare was turning him into a optimist, it became believable. The thought of ending life on a high note seemed...almost possible. Sending a silent thanks to his mother, he looked at himself once more in the mirror, and let a promise slip out of his mind. He wanted to make this promise scoot away, but he knew that it had to happen at one point or another.

He had to make her his.

Soon.

For his mother's sake, of course.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Seemed better in my head, but what can you do!<em>**

**_Review, please? :)_**


End file.
